So now the story ends and begins in a defeat. The pettiness of all was punished by all. How tragic it was for the young boy to understand that his one true love had been swept away by the deception of change the past has promised. But yet under all the tears and stress of the world. The days of not eating and drinking. Finding himself on the side of the road after a night of reckless decisions. He has come back anew and has been set free.
But what to do with this new found freedom. What does it mean to be selfish? Mother always wanted us to give to each other and to give to the world. But how does one give what they do not have. There must be sometimes where people have to take. No, not take him back. One can not take back something that was never theirs to begin. That would be a defeat and the possible destruction of a wonderful relationship, something the young boy cannot afford to lose.
There is only one option; to burn. The boy burned with every emotion, every memory and died in that process. He burned himself to the ground, to a crisp, and has disappeared under the weight of his emotions. However, only for something else to rise from the ashes. A man, a fearless man with endless courage, and a warm heart. One that is strong and will protect what he loves, because he understands the pain of losing something so dear.
The days of the past were over for the boy, and he could not bring his lover with him into the future. He could not make him see through his eyes, through his knowledge and experience. So now he must be there for him, for he knows more pain is about to begin. He knows history will repeat and that his love will only end up heartbroken like he has been plenty of times. Although now there is not a boy waiting for the moment this happens.
It’s only been a day, and I can’t help but miss him. Two days ago he told me he was thinking of returning to his ex, the day where my imaginary world of love came to an abrupt halt. Cry was all I was able to do, for I was watching the potential love of my life walk away from me, and there was nothing I could do to stop this scenario from escalating any further.
The worst part about it, is that he loves me too, but he cannot let the past stay in the past where it belongs. What am I to do until he realizes the mistake he made. Do I stay and wait for him, do I go back out and find someone else to pave over the empty hole that was left in my heart? There are so many questions I have but the main one is why? Why did he leave me, why can’t he let go of his past, why can’t he trust his heart and mine and live a happy life with me.
The moments between us were priceless and now they are beyond priceless, but they are also gone. So I sit here, with a heart full of hope and disappointment, hoping that he will see the error in his ways and find his way back to me with the light of my love.
How does someone find the courage and strength to move on? How does someone find the patience to wait? How can I keep my love from expiring for him while I wait. How can I keep the fire for two kindled when I am the only one here to nurture it. Sadly theres nothing more I can do. Everything is left in his hands, and all I can do is wait. Put my heart into a cryogenic state because I never want to stop loving him.
It’s sad and depressing. There is so much love that will go unexpressed and unnoticed all over a relationship that is well past its time. Fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice and well, shame on me. How many times must he be fooled in order to see the error of his ways. How many times does he have to encounter disappointment from his past in order to know that he deserves a better future. How can he deny the feelings he clearly has for me knowing that I would give up everything in a heartbeat just to see him smile.
The univers is not lacking in love because there is a deficit of love. The universe is lacking in love because we chose to love the wrong people. We throw those who would do anything for us to the side, and love those who throw us to the side. We think that loving someone can help change them only to be sadly disappointed with the results every time. We all have that person we wish we would have never let go, but don’t realize that they were the ones that let us go when they stopped loving.
You can’t stop loving someone, it’s not a switch someone can just turn on or off. It’s not some meaningless emotion that will just go away in a matter of seconds. It’s powerful, it’s impactful, and it always prevails even in the darkest of moments. So I know our love now is not over, but far from over. It is resting deep within both our hearts, and will come alive every time we see each other. It will grow during the separation, and if it is true and meant to be, it will prevail.
But until then, the painful truth is I have nothing. Nothing but a decent attitude and defeat that i have taken from all of this. Although I am still attempting to remain optimistic. Maybe he was just not ready, maybe theres something better out there for me, maybe he will see the error of his ways and realize what he’s done. My painful truth is theres nothing for me to do but wait, because theres nothing else within my power.